If you’re not productive, you’re UN-productive.
It’s right there in the word. “UN” is a prefix that means “THE OPPOSITE OF”. So, when you say “UN-productive”, that means you’re NOT being productive. <==== (I English good.)
So, if you want to be productive and not UN-productive, you HAVE to do these 7 things:
Productivity Hack #1 ==> Post internet memes to social media so others know how productive you are.
There might be people who don’t KNOW how productive you are. If you tell them how hard you “hustle and grind” on social media, then they will understand the “real you”.
Be sure every one of your profile pictures is about “doing work” and being in “hustle mode”.
Acceptable hashtags (copy and paste for added effect) : #yolo #blessed #bizlife #riseandgrind
Productivity Hack #2 ==> Stop urinating and/or defecating.
Using the potty is SO ANNOYING when you’re trying to be productive. Your best bets to eliminate this distraction is a colostomy bag and a catheter.
Most doctors won’t prescribe these unless you have a major, medical problem, which sucks. There are likely do-it-yourself videos out there on YouTube. Please post the best vidz you can find on the subject in the comments.
Thanks in advance.
Productivity Hack #3 ==> Wear a hoodie.
Wearing a hoodie when you do work makes you feel like a prize fighter on his way to the ring on “Fight Night”. Or like Eminem before he runs straight fire on Papa Doc.
Try it! Studies show you are 83.1% more productive with a hoodie on. There was a meta-analysis done of other hoodie studies and that’s what it said.
We’re evidence-based here at Anyman Fitness.
***Pro tip: Eat at Mom’s before you put on your hoodie. Make sure she serves spaghetti. Vomit. Get some on the hoodie.
Productivity Hack #4 ==> Sell your children.
Kids always need shit and it’s super-distracting to your productivity. They’re always yelling at me:
Daddy, I need help!
Daddy, please get something off the top shelf!
Daddy, I want some food!
Daddy, please let me out of my cage!
It gets frustrating.
We’re currently looking for a buyer. It will be a trade situation, open to negotiation.
Productivity Hack #5 ==> Put less on your “To Do List”.
If you have 20 things on your “To Do List”, and you do 10 of them, you lose. A 50% means you are a failure. Just ask the public school system. I don’t CARE what those 10 items are, that’s a Big, Fat “E”.
BUT, if you put FIVE things on your “To Do List” and you do ALL FIVE? Yep, 100%. A+.
So make a shorter list, genius.
Lowered expectations are your ticket to the appearance of increased productivity.
Productivity Hack #6 ==> Read productivity books.
This makes you more productive 100% OF THE TIME.
Because you will have to be more productive after you are done reading to make up for all that time you wasted.
AAAAAAAAAAAND, scene! Making that list was hella fun…………
Okay, there actually IS a piece of advice that will REALLY make you more productive. This article isn’t all farce and nonsense.
I wonder how long it will be before I get hate mail from someone who didn’t get the joke………
Here’s your “productivity” advice.
First, some examples of poor “productivity” advice:
- Don’t check email until noon.
- Work on important projects first.
- Turn off your social media.
- Listen to white noise or classical music.
I get a bit annoyed when I hear those items as if they’re on repeat. I check my email 3 times per day starting bright-and-early at 5:30 am (not “once” at noon like the gurus tell me).
I’m the most productive man on the planet, also. I work 2 full-time jobs, I never miss a training session, I cook dinner for my family nightly, and I’m in bed by 10 pm.
This isn’t to brag. It’s to show you that just because you can’t fit “cookie cutter advice” to your own life doesn’t mean you aren’t productive. It means you’re normal.
Any book with a title claiming if you’re “productive” and “smart”, you can work 4 hours per week is only titled that way for one reason:
Here is your actual, legitimate 1-step approach to being super-productive.
- Ruthlessly focus on exactly one thing at a time.
The entire list.
Focus 100% of your energy – every ounce – on one thing at a time, with no distractions.
Some work better with music, others don’t. (I love this YouTube video – it helps me focus and it gets played any time I write.)
Some check emails in the morning, others don’t.
Some write in the evenings, others don’t.
Some have a rigid schedule (it helps……), others don’t.
None of that shit actually matters.
If you can train yourself – and you WILL need to practice this skill – to focus 100% of your energy on exactly one task, you will FLY through items you thought would take up huge chunks of your time.
But the “one thing” part is tough.
Technically, this does mean you’ll have to stop browsing social media, or texting your friends, or Snapchatting everyone in your state.
It likely means you will need to create a workable schedule so you know when you will be doing each specific task.
Either way you look at it, though, to be more productive, it’s simple:
Be present, be in the moment, and be focused on the one task in front of you.
Practice until you can ruthlessly focus for extended periods of time on your one task.
Your productivity will increase exponentially.
No “Productivity 8-Balls” required.
Yours in being more productive,