Not everybody wants to get “yoked”.
Some people would rather have a good half-marathon time….
….or do 10 “toe-to-bars” (WTF???)…
……or “Bring It” with Tony………
Not sure why.
But if this is you, if you measure your self-worth on how many veins you can spot in your abs instead of your 1RM, raw deadlift or squat number, then read up………….
……….because you really should consider getting “yoked”……………….
TOP 25 REASONS TO MAX OUT MUSCLE AND GET “YOKED”
1. It looks cool.
It really does.
2. It raises your metabolism.
More muscle = higher metabolism = more food = happiness.
By definition of the transitive property, more muscle = happiness.
3. Because Hulk Hogan.
“I am a real American………”
4. So you can protect your woman.
If someone makes vulgar comments at your lady, and you don’t whip his ass, you’re a pussy.
5. He-Man is one bad mutha. And no one ever created “Marathon Man”.
I can see the headline now,
“Watch ‘Marathon Man’ perform relatively easy tasks for a very long time!”
6. Strengthens your skeletal system and protects you from fractures and falls as you age.
Those old dudes on the Life Alert commercials are such weak sauce.
7. Slater got way more tail than Zack.
Still does, too.
8. It sucks to run in the winter, but the gym is always warm.
Have fun outside in Michigan during February, dork.
9. So you can intimidate small children. And your daughter’s boyfriends.
I have two girls, 3 and 1. I need to be MASSIVE in about 12 years….
10. Arnold > Prefontaine
Pre did have better facial hair, though……….
11. To excel in everyday sports.
Nothing says “American Bad-Ass” like going yard in a co-ed, church softball league.
12. To ensure your son can never kick your ass.
How embarrassing would that be?
13. “While Lifting Weights” is the only socially acceptable time to listen to Slipknot.
That, and also “At Weddings”.
14. So you can recover more quickly from surgery.
This one is serious. Probably not applicable if surgery is gender re-assignment, though.
If your surgery is gender re-assignment, you could just “jog” instead……
15. Extra insurance against bear attacks.
It hasn’t happened yet. But when it does, I’ll be ready.
16. Jesus hates dudes with bitch tits.
It’s in the Bible. Somewhere.
17. Because fuck Planet Fitness.
Seriously. Fuck that place.
18. Keeps testosterone levels up.
Your mom is happy I lift.
19. Jogging sucks.
There are two types of people in this world:
People who hate jogging and freaking liars.
20. It makes everyday tasks easier.
I can carry groceries like a goddamn champion.
21. To be prepared for the impending zombie apocalypse.
Are zombies still cool?
22. “What’s your Fran time?” doesn’t sound nearly as cool as “What’s your bench?”
Fran is a whore.
23. It makes losing fat easier.
24. So you can kill someone with your bare hands if you have to.
Use this skill sparingly, please. Unless you’re at WalMart. Then you’re doing society a favor.
And the last reason you should get “yoked”……………….
25. Having abs because you’re skinny is like having tits because you’re fat.
Seriously, Justin Bieber, who gives a shit about your abs?