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Happy Friday, Coach J here from Anyman Fitness – and welcome to the latest edition of The N.W.A. Newsletter.

Each week with the N.W.A. Newsletter, I give you the best Nutrition, Weightlifting, and/or Attitude advice for you to start to use in your life today.

Tens of thousands of people have used this exact newsletter to gain muscle, lose fat, and become a better version of themselves…

Without any further ado, let’s get started..

N.W.A. Tip Of The Week

I recently read a book that resonated with me big time – Bad Therapy by Abigail Shrier.

I saw the author, Abigail, on a Joe Rogan clip, and her interview on the podcast intrigued me, as someone with two daughters.

Her book examines the mental health of our youth – specifically middle school and high school teens.

It asks a simple question:

Our young people today have more mental health issues than ever before, while having more resources for mental health improvement than ever before, as well.

Why isn’t it working?

Our young kids should have sterling mental health outcomes.

Never have we poured so many resources, so much effort, and so much funding into improving our collective mental health.

And yet, rates of anxiety, depression, suicide and suicidal ideation, etc are higher than at any other time in history.

So, where did we go wrong?

There are a few theories postulated in the book as to why this is happening.

A constant attention to how kids are “thinking” or “feeling” is having negative outcomes.

A non-stop rumination on your emotions and how you feel negatively impacts your mental health.

If all you do is focus on your emotions, you are destined to be anxious or depressed.

We incessantly ask kids how they’re feeling, if they’re happy, how their mental health is, etc, and this is creating kids who think they’re fragile instead of resilient.

Trying to solve every problem for kids has caused a generation who can’t do anything for themselves.

When I was a kid, I was told “you’ll live” more times than I can count.

Either that or “you’ll be fine” or “rub some dirt on it”.

I even had a few coaches yell “stop crying and suck it up” to me on occasion when I was in elementary school.

Many of us came to the conclusion this is “bad parenting” or our coaches were traumatizing us because our feelings were neglected, and we vowed not to do this to our own kids.

So, who’s right?

It’s hard to say.

But maybe someone telling us to “suck it up and get over it” has some merit.

Perhaps it toughens us up a bit and we realize that we should, in fact, suck it up and stop being overly sensitive.

Because of this non-stop validation of every negative emotion, kids immediately over-dramatize everything that happens to them, making mountains out of molehills, and thinking the world must revolve around their feelings.

You develop confidence and strong mental health by doing things, not by thinking or via therapy.

This one is a bit controversial… but as someone who has struggled with mental health in the past, I whole heartedly agree…

You can’t think your way out of anxiety.

You don’t gain confidence by analysis of your thoughts or mental health issues.

You gain confidence and eliminate anxiety by doing gradually more difficult tasks, excelling at them, and realizing you are a competent, capable person.

The non-stop attention therapy gives to these small, common emotions we all feel blows them out of proportion to their seriousness (the author is not talking about genuine, diagnosed disorders here, just normal anxieties or mild discomfort that millions of people go to therapy to try to avoid).

Constantly surveying school-age kids about their mental health causes more issues than it solves.

Mental health resources is big money.

Districts need to validate all the resources allocated towards mental health, and they often do that via surveys.

Asking kids non-stop questions like:

– Have you thought about self harm?

– Have you thought about suicide?

– Have you been so anxious you can’t get out of bed?

Etc, etc puts into their heads the idea that themselves, or many of their peers are broken and cannot function properly in the real world.

It normalizes situations that would be incredibly rare at any other time in history.

One of the best ways to decrease your happiness is to chase it.

Our society constantly tells kids they should be “happy” and asks them if they are.

Happiness isn’t a state you should be in 24/7.

That’s not realistic.

Joy and bliss aren’t permanent states – they are fleeting.

Contentment, stillness, and being even-keeled are much better goals to aim for mentally.

There are other takeaways as well, but I’ll just leave you with those.

Of course, the book is somewhat of an opinion piece.

Who’s to say who is right, and who is wrong?

But as a parent who has had kids who have struggled with some discomfort and anxiety, I can parrot a lot of what Abigail is saying.

Let me tell you a brief story…

Our youngest, Ava, has always been an anxious child.

You wouldn’t know it by her outward disposition, but when she was younger and faced with something new to her, or a bit of adversity, she wouldn’t handle it well.

It happened on her first day of kindergarten when she was so apprehensive I practically had to shove her into the classroom and sprint away before she could do anything about it.

This scenario played itself out frequently over the years.

Ava would refuse to go to summer camps (because she didn’t know anybody).

And basketball try outs (after telling me she wanted to sign up).

And basketball practices (after actually signing up).

Any time she felt some discomfort or unease, her first reaction was to shut down, and refuse to participate or even try.

I had countless talks with her when these episodes would happen.

Each time, I repeated the same message:

“Feeling anxious is a normal part of life.

Everyone feels anxious when they start new things.

You cannot let that feeling stop you from doing things; that’s a terrible way to go through life.

The world is full of people who never try anything new because they’re scared, and those people miss out on life.

You are a strong person, and every time you do things you’re a bit afraid of, you build confidence and you show yourself that you can do it.

You’re going to be fine…”

Sometimes it worked.

Usually it didn’t (LOL, kids…).

But slowly over time, Ava started saying “yes” to more things.

Bit by bit, she started to learn to deal with her discomfort.

She tried out for, and made, a travel basketball team, and has improved her skills tremendously.

She is excelling in middle school (after nearly refusing to leave the house and catch the bus on the first day…).

And we keep telling her, “You see? You’re doing great, keep up the good work, you’re really showing maturity and growth.”

I won’t lie… when she was struggling earlier on, we discussed therapy for Ava.

But honestly, I’m glad we didn’t go that route.

Not that it wouldn’t have worked, it may have.

But I didn’t want Ava to think there was something “wrong” with her because she was feeling anxious.

Sometimes, the best way to handle a problem is to be patient, reinforce your firm beliefs, and wait it out.

(Of course, with genuine disorders, this isn’t the case; I don’t want to discredit anyone that falls into those categories.)

I know my little story is anecdotal of course, and there’s some confirmation bias there.

But I do highly recommend the book; I thoroughly enjoyed it, and it will shape the way I think and parent moving forward.

March-15-2024

N.W.A. Tip Of The Week

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