Isn’t it a strange phenomena?
I mean, it’s so weird.
Talk about wanting to delve deeper into the realms of human psychology to figure this one out.
You decide to take the bull by the horns and better your health and well being.
And your friends try to derail you.
Not outwardly, of course. Nobody would flat out say, “Hey! I would like you to fail at your endeavor! I’m going to sneak sugar and oil into your coffee!”
Because that would be crazy.
But why is “fit shaming” or “health shaming” so real?
It doesn’t manifest itself in a direct way.
Usually it’s pretty subtle.
It’s getting weird looks because you order baked chicken and steamed broccoli at a steakhouse.
It’s getting shit from your friends for ordering red wine instead of beer.
It’s getting accosted for skipping dessert at a summer barbecue.
Some people will genuinely be supportive.
Others will be genuinely rude and obnoxious.
But most fall into a particular category.
Steer clear of the following negative peer-pressure types, if you’re concerned with improving your well being.
Negative Peer-Pressure Type #1: “I Will Openly Mock And Make Fun Of You Guy”
Love this guy.
You skip the donuts at work and they call you names.
They invite you over to their house and make comments like, “Would you like me to be sure I have tofu on the menu?”
They tell you of their drunken, alcohol-fueled weekend and finish it with, “What were you doing while I was getting smashed? Bikram yoga?”
Reason for their actions:
Insecurity. They want to make themselves feel better about making poor health choices.
Best way to deal with him:
Self-deprication goes a long way. It might be tempting to fight fire with fire, but the best answer is always to just play along and smile.
Example: “Can I pick the restaurant, or do you have specific dietary restrictions, Richard Simmons?”
Reply: “Actually, can you just make sure there the menu has no carbs, no gluten, no sugar, and no taste? That’s how I prefer to eat.” (said with a wink)
A little sarcasm and a sharp wit can really help here.
Negative Peer Pressure Type #2: “Roll Their Eyes With Disgust Guy”
This guy is a bit volatile. When you discuss anything that doesn’t involve free-basing hydrogenated oils, this guy seems like he is honestly and genuinely upset with you. He rolls his eyes, acts annoyed, and really seems upset you’re trying to be healthier.
So weird.
Reason for their actions:
Interruption of the status quo. For a very long time, things have been great between the two of you. Chicken wings, beer, tacos, margaritas, Chinese buffets, and sake bombs. All of a sudden, you’re paying attention to the stuff you put in your body.
And he’s pissed.
Best way to deal with him:
Make sure he knows you two can still be friends. You can still hang out. This guy thinks back squats are going to replace your friendship. He feels like he’s being put on the backburner. Be sure you tell him (in your own special way, of course) that he’s still loved.
Example: “Dude what are you talking about? We ALWAYS have a Krispie Kreme-eating contest on Saturdays. Why are you such a little girl?”
Reply: “Sorry, man, let’s just go have a coffee instead. I still want to do something and hang out, but I always get the runs after two dozen custard filled…….”
Works like a charm.
Negative Peer Pressure Type #3: “Throw It In Your Face Guy”
This guy knows you’re trying to be healthier. So his response is to find you every time he’s eating bullshit. And consume it right in front of you. And make noises. And tell you you should “have some”.
Reason for his actions:
The food he’s eating tastes awesome. And you’re on a diet. So, he gets to kill 2 birds with one stone: Make fun of you while eating delicious, calorie laden nonsense.
Best way to deal with him:
Keep your reply short and sweet. And walk away so you don’t have to look at what he’s eating.
Example: “This deep fried cheesecake is insane…….MMMmmmmmmmmmm……I’ll bet you’d love to have some of this, right?”
Reply: “Of course.” (said with a smile so he knows you’re not taking him seriously – no reason to start a fight.) Followed by leaving the general vicinity. If at a restaurant, just excuse yourself to use the restroom.
This is really your only intelligent course of response. Weak, I know. But do you wanna sit there and watch someone smash deliciousness as your mouth waters?
Gotta bounce.
Negative Peer Pressure Type #4: “Won’t Leave It Alone Guy”
This guy is the absolute WORST.
You’ve already answered his question once, and rejected the food he has offered, but this guy Just. Won’t. Let. It. Go.
Tread carefully. He’s a bit tricky. He’s gonna test your resolve. You’re gonna need to be strong.
Reason for his actions:
Usually, you’re at his house, at a party, and he’s trying to be nice. And he equates your not eating his food with you disliking his social gathering. What he doesn’t realize is truly being nice is to accept your decision and allow you some space.
Best way to deal with him:
Find an activity at the social event to partake in. Go play horseshoes. Or bean bag toss. Or a board game. Be sure to have a drink in your hand. Being engaged will give you the appearance of being involved and having fun. Which is ultimately what this guy wants.
Example: “Dude, can I get you a plate?”
Reply: “No thanks.”
Continued Example: “Come on, man, I’ve got crab cakes.”
Continued Reply: “No, man, I’m good.”
One More Time: “But dude, you’ve gotta try these peanut butter buckeye balls I made.”
Final reply: “Hey, you got any cards? We should play some euchre.”
Immerse yourself in the game. Or another game if you’re not from the Midwest. And relax and enjoy yourself. Which you should be doing anyways.
Negative Peer Pressure Type #5: “Gives You Food Without Asking Guy”
This one is tough as well. This guy will make you a plate, crack open a beer, or tell you to “taste this” without even asking if you want the item. Often times, this isn’t a “guy”, but a “girl”. Moms and Grandmas are notorious for doing this at family gatherings.
It’s one thing to eat dinner. It’s another thing for dinner to turn your consumption into an all day affair due to this individual.
Reason for his (or her) actions:
They love you. And food/drink equals love for many. For both males and females.
Best way to deal with him (or her):
Chew gum. And have a small, simple excuse.
Example #1: “Dude, here.” (hands you a beer)
Reply: “No thanks. I was plastered last night and I’m still fighting it off.”
Example #2: “Here’s some cake and ice cream, man. Enjoy.”
Reply: “Actually, I’m full. And I just put this piece of gum in my mouth.”
A quick change of the subject can help, as well. No reason to dwell on the spurring of his culinary advances. Switch topics and move on.
Negative Peer Pressure Type #6: “I Made It, So Eat It Now Guy”
This is another one who is often a family member, and often female.
They made it. And they want you to eat it. All of it. No matter what.
Reason for their actions:
They spent time making the food with you in mind. If you don’t eat it, you might as well be wishing a horrendous, chronic disease on them.
Best way to deal with them:
Ask for a doggie bag. Be sure they know their efforts are not in vain. All they want is to be appreciated.
Example: “I made these bacon-wrapped hot dogs. You should eat five pounds worth.”
Reply: “Oh, man, I LOVE those things, but I’m not very hungry right now. Do you mind if I take a few home with me so I can eat them later?”
Whether or not you actually do is up to you.
But you probably should. Anything that involves two types of pork is a no-brainer.
Over time you’ll get used to saying “No” when you have to. At first, you’re going against the grain. You’re doing something differently. You’re trying to change yourself.
You should be COMMENDED, not derailed.
And if you stick with it long enough, firstly, people will begin leaving you alone. And just let you do your thing.
And hopefully, eventually, you’ll realize that you CAN eat pretty much anything – remember it’s not how we eat at social events that determines ultimate progress and leanness.
It’s how we eat for the rest of the year.
Happy IF’ing!
-Jason